Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sobbing to NWA
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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