someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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