You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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