yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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