By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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