I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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