just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
