Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
