You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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