Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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