I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
