Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
