maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
