I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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