Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
