At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
