Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
