I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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