i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My dick has a subreddit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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