Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
