I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
