He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
