Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
