okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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