Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
