I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
