I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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