You can't special order awesome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
