Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
