You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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