I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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