so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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