i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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