The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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