if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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