fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
