Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
