WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
