No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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