he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
