Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
