I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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