I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
