When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
