I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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