Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my sisters under your porch take her home
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
