Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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