So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
