oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
