i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
