Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
