the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
