she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
