I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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