everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
