I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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