Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
