Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
