I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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