I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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