You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
