Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
