i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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