Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
