Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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