Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize