I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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