listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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