dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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