I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize