How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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