so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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